No Blood Please, We're Whorephobic

On the subject of whorephobia and of people refusing to acknowledge, respond or answer to their perpetuation of it (see last blog here), I bring you the Australian Red Cross Blood Donation group.

Blood donation is important. I have had friends who have needed blood donations, family members and acquaintances. According to the Australian Red Cross only one in thirty people donate blood, but one in three people will need blood transfusions in their lifetime.

This is sad. Really sad. Millions of people who need blood are going without because we don't have enough people donating blood.

However, this is not the whole story. It is not the fact that Australians are cruel and lazy and don't give a shit about other people. On the contrary. Almost every single person in my circle of friends (and I have quite a large circle of friends) would donate if they could.

That's the kicker IF they could.

For one reason or another they are unable to. Personally I think a few of these reasons or another are completely shit, discriminatory and outdated. But that's the way it is, and it doesn't look like anything is going to change any time soon.
There are four categories my friends who are unable to donate fall into.

• Living in England between 1980-1996
• Having had a tattoo within six months
• Being a gay man
• Being a sex worker

If you take the “Am I Eligible to Donate” quiz on the Donate Blood website, The Red Cross asks you a bunch of questions about your history in order to determine if you are eligible or not.
Questions include are you pregnant, do you have low iron, your age group etc … And they also ask a question about “Risky Sexual Behaviour”.

I totally get that question. It's super important and valid. STIs in the bloodstream can be fatal, and the last thing you want to do is expose someone to those sorts of diseases and infections... It is absolutely imperative to sexual health and sexual practices to be safe and protect yourself and the people you are having sex with from infection.

You know who knows this better than any group in the world?

Sex Workers.

People who fuck for cash.

Know why? BECAUSE IT'S THEIR FUCKING LIFE AND JOB AND LIVELIHOOD!!

Sorry. I got a bit cross there... But for fuck's sake. This is something that irks me so much it should be shouted from every fricken rooftop of every fricken house.

This is their idea of “Risky Sexual Behaviour”

Now I get that unsafe sex is risky. I get that unsafe sex with multiple partners is risky.

I also get that the stigma against gay men and sex workers being “dirty” is rampant in this whorephobic, homophobic world... BUT... it's old. It's so fucking old and tired it's bullshit and stinks of discrimination. Because according to this you can have as much unsafe sex as you like... Unless the person you've had unsafe sex with has also had unsafe sex with a man who has sex with men.

Sure, if you're the sort of person who goes out every weekend and has unprotected sex with people then I get why you can't donate. That's absolutely risky. But that isn't what they're saying at all.

Nope. It's only if you're gay, or the person you've slept with might be.

In fact, Red Cross, to single out and assume all gay men are like this is what is called “homophobia”. Say it with me, folks, H O M O P H O B I A.

No no, say the Red Cross. We aren't homophobic. Gay men can donate... They... They just can't have sex for a year beforehand.

Um...

What about the men in long term monogamous relationships?

What about the men who have casual sex but use protection every time?

What about the fact that AIDS IS NOT A GAY DISEASE?

Nope. Doesn't matter. Red Cross don't want your tainted homo blood. Eew!

Next we come to the whorephobic discrimination against sex workers. Sex work is lumped in with “Risky Sexual Behaviour”. Yes. Risky. Because, you see, money makes it bad. You can go out and fuck a hundred people in a week... But the minute money exchanges hands, well you're probably diseased and icky. They also like to lump in “drug use” in their whorephobia because hookers probably fuck for drugs and drugs are bad m'kay. Conversely, there is no question in there about getting high as fuck on E with your friends and heading off to a nightclub and fucking a bunch of people in the toilets...

Because that's okay. You weren't, you know, paid for it.

This blatant whorephobia comes regardless of reams and reams of facts and statistics that show and prove that among any demographic Australia Wide, Sex Workers are of the lowest percentage of STI carriers in the country.

Here are just some examples of websites, articles, research papers etc that prove just how wrong the Red Cross are in their discrimination:

http://m.sti.bmj.com/content/81/5/434.full

http://m.theage.com.au/victoria/monthly-sex-worker-tests-are-ridiculous-health-experts-say-20110530-1fctn.html

http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/ohp-bbvs-sti

http://www.acon.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/NSW-Sex-Industry-Report-CSRH-2012.pdf

Several sex worker friends of mine have reached out in recent weeks to ask the Red Cross to please explain this discrimination. On a thread on their Facebook page last week there were a whole bunch of questions being asked.

Why can't I donate if I'm gay?

Why can't I donate if I lived in the UK?

Why are you bowing to Muslim pressure and allowing your biscuits to be Halal?

Why can't I donate if I'm a sex worker.

Interestingly and very tellingly every single comment got a response except the ones asked by sex workers. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
Don't believe me? Here is the link to that thread:

Red Cross Donation Thread

They used their tired old homophobic excuses re the gay men. They explained about the risk of mad cow disease within people who had lived in the UK during those years. They even responded to every single bigoted comment regarding their biscuits... But the Sex Workers have nothing. Not a single comment, explanation or excuse.

Sex workers have provided links to back up their statements about the lack of STIs among them and their peers. They have asked articulate, intelligent, well argued questions.. But nothing.

“I would donate but now you're Muslim dogs” gets a reply but “Please explain why you won't allow a group of people with proven safe and healthy blood to donate?”.... Crickets....

I too have reached out to them on Facebook and on Twitter to absolutely no avail. They just will not respond. At all. Zip. Nada. Nothing.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

I call on every sex worker in Australia, every sex work ally, every friend or partner or family member of a sex worker to get on board and start asking the questions that demand answers.

Why, when we are statistically proven to be of lower risk than almost any other Australian group of people in any state or territory, are sex workers not allowed to donate much needed blood to save lives?

Why?

I'm not holding my breath for an answer...
(EDIT: How interesting. About twenty minutes AFTER this blog was published the Red Cross decided to reply to ONE of the comments on their Facebook thread. One. They said they had to check because they didn't know the answer... I call BULLSHIT! I call stalling because today their Twitter is blowing up. I say revoke your dumb policy now and stop blowing smoke up our goddamn arses. We usually get paid for that. We ain't letting you get away with it for free)

While we're waiting here's some examples from that thread...

Hey,Turkey, Don't Be That Guy...

Oops... Too late...


Things are often misunderstood on the internet. It's like its “thing”. Sarcasm is misread, words taken the wrong way, things taken out of context. It happens every day. Hell, it even makes the news if someone has gaffed on Twitter. The public reacts, the outrage swells, the original poster usually either apologises for the misunderstanding, or goes into defensive mode and attacks back. Words are spoken, delete buttons are pushed and people forget and move on to the next gaffe.
I spend a lot of time online. I see these things happen all the time. Sometimes they're big, sometimes they're small. Sometimes I sit back and watch it unfold, other times, especially when it's a topic I feel very strongly about, I will make a comment.
This happened last night on a Facebook account I follow and enjoy. A comment was made and the public reacted. And then a really, well, actually kind of depressing thing happened.
Let me explain from the start.

I Bet This Turkey Can get More Fans Than NOM is a great little pocket of the internet universe. It was created by a guy who was fighting against National Organisation of Marriage – You know, that bunch of whackjobs from America who use “the sanctity of marriage” as a front for blatant homophobia. He wanted to see if he (or his turkey picture) could get more Facebook likes than them. He did. And also succeeded in becoming a popular page for LGBTI rights. I enjoy it thoroughly. I always trawl through there and read the posts and the articles. The guy who runs it is funny and and often posts up his reactions to homophobic messages he gets which are always hilarious and well constructed sarcasm and mirth at the idiot who has posted.

Last night something happened and I'm actually so pissed about it it's already ruined my morning.

The Turkey posted a link to a news story in which everyone's favourite pure Christian, Josh Duggar, had been outed by a sex worker/adult star as having paid her to sleep with him. She mentioned he was frightening, terrifying even, and that he had been rough and abusive in both his actions and his words.
Now I know why the Turkey posted this. Duggar is a guy who holds himself up as a beacon of purity and Godliness. He is completely homophobic and anti equal marriage, despite recently being charged with the sexual molestation of a number of young girls (including his own sisters), outed as a frequent Ashley Madison user, and now this story of sex workers and rough sex. For activists all around the world who have a hand in fighting for equal rights (myself included) its a gold mine. It truly is. The word hypocrite has been used more times than when Tony Abbott opens his mouth on just about anything, but I digress.

The Turkey posted up this article titled “Porn Star says she had terrifying rough sex twice with Josh Duggar”and captioned it with this comment: “Something tells me that his wife should be getting an STD check asap.”

Completely ignoring the fact that this woman had a terrifying experience. Completely ignoring the fact that fucking porn stars is probably not the thing that good, pure Christians for the sanctity of marriage should be doing. Completely ignoring the fact that this piece of badly written “journalism”came from the Daily Mail which is known for its sensationalism and gossip-mongering. Nope. Forget that shit. Let's make a tired and boring old joke about dirty dirty sex workers and their disease riddled bodies. Ew!!
Almost every single comment underneath it said similar to my above comment. People taking task to the fact that not only had this woman been treated so appallingly, but also the actual fact that sex workers have probably the lowest number of STIs in any demographic because of the rigorous testing and protection and prevention steps they take.
I was upset. I was disappointed. I wanted the Turkey to understand that his comment was not only unnecessary, but also hurtful and contributing to the rampant whorephobia that I see and encounter every day. Not so much towards myself any more, but towards sex workers in general. To my friends and colleagues. Hell, the whole Amnesty thing recently brought out whorephobia to the public eye and wow, was it unpleasant and nasty to view.

So I wrote him a comment. I wasn't rude. I wasn't even angry. I was disappointed. This is my comment. (I would screenshot... But...)

"Wow Turkey. What a whorephobic, uneducated comment. Sex workers and adult film stars have some of the lowest rates of STIs.
Pretty sure you of all people know the harm and pain and hatred that stigma and uninformed asides can make. It's the whole reason you set up this page. To stand up against hate speech and people spreading bullshit propaganda and lies and reinforcing that in the eyes of some, others are less equal. This time it's her job not her sexuality that's being shamed. Not cool, Turkey.
Don't be that guy."

I wanted him to realise that his words have consequences and that he of all people should understand those consequences. That hatred and misinformation spread by ignorance do so much damage. That stigma hurts. The thing is he KNOWS this. He's lived it. It's the whole reason the Turkey page was created! But for some reason, and it happens all the time, when it comes to being insulting to an entire demographic of people, it's totally okay if it's sex workers. We are lesser humans in the eyes of people. No matter what minority you're part of, at least you're not a dirty, disease riddled sex worker. Hey! You molest your sisters and cheat on your wife and frighten women... But at least you're not a whore! Let's focus on the whore! We can make fun of her! Why not! She's just a whore....
My comment garnered a lot of likes because, I assume, people agreed with me. Like I said, almost every comment on the entire thread was in the same vein as mine. I really hoped the Turkey would see it and respond to me. To apologise and realise his words hurt. Even if they had come from a place of misunderstanding. It was obvious to me that he had struck a nerve with many people and it was, to little ol me, actually quite heartening to see so many people on the side of sex workers, defending her job, her medical history and hoping that she was okay after her experience.
But that didn't happen. Nope.
I woke up this morning and saw that the Turkey had made a comment on the post. Ooh! Yay! Little ol me and the rest of the commenters had maybe got through to him! One more converted to the “let's not make fun of sex workers for just doing a damn job” pile. Yay!
Nope. Well, not really anyway.
Turkey went on the defensive. He edited the original caption and wrote a post chiding everyone who had commented on whorephobia because we were all mean and horrible and how dare we take something he'd said and try and twist it. All he'd meant is that because Duggar was sleeping around his wife should be tested. Which in itself is a valid comment. But, and it's a huge but, considering almost 100% of the comments had “taken it that way” and considering the fact that I see these sorts of “dirty STI whore” comments almost daily... Well, I'm sorry, Turkey, but your comments were taken on face value and that face was one of derision and whorephobia.

The other thing that pissed me off was the fact that, although every other comment mentioning that his caption was not cool is still there, he deleted mine. Gone! Zip! See ya later! I only happen to have the print copy of it because I had copied it onto my clipboard while Facebook was being a bitch and I wanted to have a copy in case it didn't post properly the first time.
Why delete it? Why just mine? The only thing I can think of is that mine is the only one who actually attempted to educate him on WHY it was offensive for someone like the Turkey to make such a bold and uninformed comment. I explained it in the words of homophobic misinformation. I made it personal to his experience. I tried very hard to not be rude, but to educate (while being pissed off, sure). I think maybe I struck a nerve. It's very telling to me really. And that makes it even worse. It really does. The fact that mine is gone but the others remain makes me wonder if his defence is all a bit bullshit. Too after-the-fact. He deleted my comment, my comparison to homophobic propaganda and perpetuation of stigma and hate, and then wrote his defence with the ending “Good riddance” to anyone who had even considered to have the merest possibility of a hint that he may have been a bit out of line with his comment...

Yeah. Silenced and deleted and chucked off the page.
You know what, Turkey? You became that guy.

Period Sex... Are you Spongeworthy?

Originally written for the wonderful Birdee Newspaper (issue 2). I have decided to put it on my blog as well because it's a question I get asked over and over and I thought it would be good to have a quick link to send to people.

Hi Eva.
I'm curious about sex during my period. I'm always so horny at that time of month but the thought of blood everywhere turns me off. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, but I do. A friend said something to me once about sponges? Do they just mean a kitchen sponge? I don't understand. Is that safe? How do I use one?

• Karen

Hi Karen.

It's not uncommon to be ultra horny during your period, which is often in stark contrast with how your body can react to it, you know, feeling sad and fat and sore and irritable, but actually having sex can help fix those things! Sex releases endorphins which can make you feel good, orgasms can help ease period pain, and being desired and wanted by a lover is awesome for your self esteem. But yes, blood. It can be messy, but your friend is right, sponges are awesome! Basically it's a stringless tampon that sits up against your cervix and soaks up blood so you don't leak, but leaves enough room for penetration.

Sponges usually come in three categories and all three have their merits and often come down to personal preference.

You can buy specific “sex sponges”or “stringless tampons”at some chemists and adult shops and online. They are usually small-ish, heart-shaped sponges (often containing a bit of lube to help with insertion). For all you Seinfeld fans out there, remember the “spongeworthy”episode? These are what Elaine is talking about, although she is using them more as a contraceptive with the ones she buys being soaked in spermicide. (the ones I am talking about are NOT contraceptives and should not be used as such. Sure they may block the passage to the cervix and it's not super easy to get pregnant on your period, but it IS possible and you should always take precautions and be safe. They also won't stop STIs.)

You can use natural sea sponges (large ones, not the small ones). These are my personal preference because I find them the most absorbent of all and I like the fact that they're completely natural. You can usually get them sold loose and individually at chemists. Make sure they are around the size of a medium lemon. Don't buy the little individual ones in packets sold as make-up sponges. They are far too small. Before using, soak them in boiling or boiled water to soften them, squeeze out the water (wait til it's cooled obviously) and insert.

And, as per your “kitchen sponge”question, some girls I know use your basic yellow car wash sponge you buy at servos and stuff and then cut it up to size.

Apart from the shop bought ones which are usually sealed in individual wrappers, I would suggest the boiling water soak, just to make sure you get rid of any germy extra bits.

Some tips to remember:

* Check sea sponges for little bits of sand or shell (not always, but every now n then you may find some. The soak is great at getting them out).

* When you are ready to remove it, it's probably a good idea to do it in the shower. You'd be surprised how well these things can hold liquid, and how much there can be, and removing them can be a messy affair.

* The reason I said to use large sea sponges is because the smaller the item is, not only does it not absorb as much as you may need it to, it is also a lot harder to remove them. The bigger the sponge, the easier to get it out. Sometimes it can take a bit of digging around to find it and grab and pull it out.
* Some girls I know will tie a little piece of cotton or fishing line arund the sponge before inserting as that can make it a little easier to pull out.

* NEVER EVER use anything other than your hands. EVER! Oh the horror stories I've heard with girls using tongs or similar. 

* If you're finding it hard to find, relax, breath, push a little. I do know of a few girls who've had to go to a doctor to get them removed, and most often this is because they were too small to grab. The shop bought ones usually have a little finger-hole in the bottom of them which can make retrieval a little easier.

A question I am often asked on the subject of sponges is “but can't the other person feel it?” 

The answer to that is sometimes, but it's not actually that off-putting (according to people I have fucked while wearing one). Usually it just feels like the rest of your vag, soft and spongy, and when they have felt it and known what it was, they haven't particularly cared.

Another question I get asked is “But doesn't the pushing of a penis or something against it make it squeeze out the blood?” 

Perfectly valid question and, to be frank, every now and then, yes. But that is usually when the sponge is super full and, in all the years I have been using sponges (and I was a sex worker for quite a few years) I could probably count on one hand the number of times that has happened.

I have also been asked about how wearing a sponge affects your natural lubrication and, in a nutshell, it doesn't. Lubrication doesn't come from the same place as the blood. It's basically secreted out of the walls of your vagina so it completely bypasses the sponge. You can get super wet and excited (and yes, I am sure there will be a few times you're sure you are leaking and you have to give yourself a quick finger check) without a single drop of blood making its way in there.

When it comes right down to it, period sex is a personal thing. If the blood doesn't bother you or your partner, then there's nothing gross about it at all. If it kind of grosses you or your partner out you can either wait a week til it goes away, or try a sponge and see how you go.