Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Review: G-Vibe 2 A Toy for Women, Men and Couples

If you read a lot of my reviews you'll already know that I am an aesthetic kinda chick when it comes to sex toys. Shape, colours and packaging are really quite important to me, as well as (of course) the functionality of the toy itself. I mean, you can have a fabulous looking toy made out of the softest, silkiest silicone resting in the most luxurious looking box, but if it fails to hit the spot, then none of that outside stuff matters. Similarly I have come across toys that are ugly and weird-looking with packaging that looks like it was dug up from some time-warped 1970s porno but, when put to the test, have rocked my socks. I just don't particularly like looking at them when they're down there doing their thing, and they certainly aren't the sort of toy I'd bring out in company.
But chuck all of that pretty, buzzy goodness into one toy, and you have yourself a complete fan.
Enter the G-Vibe 2.
This is a toy I have been wanting to try since I saw the first version a couple of years ago. It's unique shape was the first thing to catch my eye and then, after I had a small hand play with it to test the feel of the material and go through all of the functions, I was determined to get one and see if it was all it seemed to be when resting in my hands.
Let me say, it pretty much is. There are a few little things I found didn't quite hit the mark, but really, almost all those things probably come down to my body and my needs and, because everyone is different, they might not be the same for you.
Probably one of the best, and most unique aspects of this toy is it can be used as a solo toy for both women or men and can also be incorporated into couples play too! It's pretty damn versatile really. It absolutely impressed me.

Let's start with the specs.
Made of medical grade, silky smooth silicone, it really does feel beautiful in your hands and against your skin. It is 100% waterproof and is rechargeable so you don't need to worry about batteries. The charger is magnetic and can be a bit temperamental, so just make sure it's in a place it won't accidentally get moved or something.
It takes about an hour or two to fully charge up and then lasts for around four hours of continual play.
It has three powerful but quiet motors, one in each arm near the tips and one in the main shaft, and has six different vibration pulses as well as eight (yes eight!) different speeds.
The two “V”shaped ends are flexible and can be pushed together or spread out, although you do need to hold them in position or they return to their original shape.
It comes nestled in a pretty box and has a silky bag to store it in if you don't want to keep it in the box.
The handle is easy to hold and the buttons are simple to work out (one goes up in speed, one goes down and the other changes the pulse settings) and they're super easy to press.
One of the cool things that comes in the box is a set of illustrations showing you all the different ways you can use the toy and, for the most part, they are pretty good. Although there are a couple that are a bit silly and make no sense or really don't do what they claim.

Like a Rabbit

Using both arms to stimulate both the inside of your vagina and the clitoris and vulva you can simulate the sensations you get from a rabbit vibe. Because the arms are quite flexible you can push them against you to a few different angles to get the best feelings. Several of the vibration settings alternate several buzzes and pulses at the same time and also swap them between arms creating interesting, almost unpredictable sensations. You can use it to stimulate both vaginally and anally at the same time and, because the arms stretch out if you push down, you can get it to reach both the clitoris and anus at the same time too.

That Full-Up Feeling

Something I hear from a lot of women is that, although they often enjoy the feeling of being full, the pressure and strain that a thick vibrator can put on the opening and the walls of their vagina can be uncomfortable or even sometimes painful. The great thing about the G-Vibe 2 is that you can have your full-up cake and eat it too without the fear of that pressure. Squeezing the two arms together you insert the toy and, as it enters it begins to fall open to its natural state, the arms push gently against the walls without putting any undue pressure on you.

For Him

It's very rare for a toy to be so versatile it can be used in a variety of ways for both sexes. Sure with other toys you can improvise with buzzes on bits and that's awesome, but the G-Vibe 2 has some great features that make it really awesome and easy for men to use.
Sliding the cock between the two “Vs” gives a great tingling all-over buzz to the penis and you can hold it there for all sorts of couples activities too (see below).
Pushing the “V”open and resting them between the balls and the perineum also feels (according to the husbandman) “really fucking cool.” and, if he is so inclined, you can use it anally to stimulate his G-spot.

Couples Play

Using toys together as a couple is a great way to enhance your sex life. Having that extra stimulation and the means to play and experiment with sensation is a really awesome way to open up and explore your and your partner's sexuality and sexual needs. With the G-Vibe 2 you can incorporate the toy into oral sex, Spanish style (that's tit-fucking in non-crass speak), even intercourse to really jazz up the moment.
I will say, the picture of the oral sex and resting the toy on your chin is a little bit weird and I'm not too much into my whole jaw tingling like that. It made my ears tickle and I felt like I needed to sneeze... But if you slide the penis into the “V” and hold it there instead it stops your face from jiggling and still creates the awesome sensations for him.

It Just Doesn't... Work that way

As well as the resting the toy on your jaw pic, there are a couple of others that just don't seem to work for me... Or really for anyone. The most obvious of these is the nipple one. I'm sorry, but I've been selling this toy in retail shops for a couple of years now (the first version and this one) and I have never ever EVER come across someone who has boobs that close together. The scale of the toy they've used in this pic is way off and even when I squeeze my boobs together as close as they can get, yeah I can sort of get them both... But holy crap it's not comfortable nor sexy. I'm really not sure why they've kept that illustration in. In every other review I have read on both versions 1 and 2, the verdict on this particular position has been one of “that just doesn't work!”
Considering the number of ways you can use this toy, it seems weird they've left instructions in for one that really, really doesn't.

Overall, apart from the boob pic and the jaw tickling, this is one amazing toy with some of the most versatile features I've ever come across. I would definitely recommend this to people who are nervous about introducing toys into their bedroom because of the fact it has great uses for both male and female users and also as a couples toy so it could potentially break down those barriers of “vibrators are just for girls”and the common worry men can have of “if she's got a vibrator does that mean I'm not doing it for her” and similar concerns like that.
For those reasons, and all the other awesome ones I've described up there, I give this toy an 8.5 out of ten.

Happy Buzzing, My Friends

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Review: Permission 4 Pleasure Box Set.

Morgana Muses; the owner, producer, writer and star of Permission 4 Pleasure films is my friend. In fact, she is one of the very best friends I have ever had. We met just as her journey was starting to blossom and I have watched her grow into the amazing, award-winning, much sought after feminist pornographer you see today. Her most recent award being the winner of Heartthrob of the Year at the 2015 Feminist Porn Awards.
I must also mention that I was involved with one of the films I am reviewing here, as a script consultant, and have spent many nights gas-bagging on the phone about scenes and upcoming ideas and projects, and always screeching with laughter, because we are so very funny together. Seriously. We should have our own show.

All that being said, I will be as objective and as neutral in this review as I can possibly be. Enjoy, and never forget to give yourself permission for pleasure. You're worth it.

Permission 4 Pleasure Box Set - A Review

Morgana Muses is an incredible woman who, in her late 40s, decided that being an unhappy wife and the mother of two gorgeous girls was not enough to keep her fulfilled. Her children were grown and almost ready to begin their lives away from the nest, her marriage was one of constant second guessing and depression and she wondered to herself “is this it?”
Taking an almighty plunge, Morgana left her life as “suburban housewife” and stepped into a world of erotic storytelling, freedom of expression and pornography... And she hasn't looked back. Her films follow this journey of awakening telling everyone, women, men, young and old, allow yourself to enjoy, express and indulge yourself. Give yourself Permission for Pleasure.
Winning numerous awards, including at the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, the CineKink film festival and being featured in international film festivals in Berlin, Paris and New York, Morgana is the new kid on the block making waves with her fantastic message.

Duty Bound
Winner Petra Joy Award 2012. Selected for Cinekink NYC 2014. Nominated Feminist Porn Award 2014

This is Morgana's first film. It is only a very short vignette (four minutes) but it encompasses a lifetime of emotion. An erotic tale of desire and the search for self, an awakening of passion and the epitome of what Permission 4 Pleasure is all about, all set to a gorgeous erotic film of mostly black and white.
I love this film. I love it for its message, for it's beauty. It's not a horny film. It's not porn in the sense most people think about, but that's the point. Everything we are taught by mainstream media about sex, pleasure and sensuality all fits into a neat little box. But desire is not something only one box can hold and it's time to speak to the many who prefer life outside that box.
Morgana Muses is that storyteller. And boy does she do it well.

New Tricks

This film is probably my least favourite of the lot. It has some amazing potential and would be really interesting to see her maybe re-do it now that her experience has grown.
The theme of this stays true to the running theme of P4P and is based on those ridiculous “How to Be a Proper Wife” handbooks from the 1950s.
You know the ones. Full of rules about ladies being seen and not heard and living life to fulfil the whims of their husbands.
Taking the rule book and twisting it to an erotic theme is not only clever, it's a great reflection on the life Morgana left and the one she has subsequently created.
My issue with the film is that I found the scenes (especially the first one) to be far too long and rather stagnant. There's not a lot of camera changes and I found the couple performing in the first scene to be as stagnant as the shots. Some more noise, some movement and some close up action would have jazzed it up a bit. It kind of looked and felt like they were mostly going through the motions rather than absolutely enjoying each other, which I reckon would have really improved it.
The second scene, the four girl orgy, was definitely better. These girls are very obviously enjoying themselves and each other. There's some of the most natural and body-shaking orgasms I've seen in recent years and you truly get a sense of connection, friendship and lust with these women. There's laughter and conversation and a real bond you can feel through the screen.
Again it probably could have been shorter, but it was definitely enjoyable to watch.

Music Box
Honourable Best Mention Cinekink 2014. Nominated for Feminist Porn Awards 2014. Selected Berlin Porn Festival 2014.

Starring internationally acclaimed, award winning feminist porn star Zahra Stardust this is another great film in which Morgana uses her real life experience to translate into art.
It's the story of a woman packing her bags as she reflects on who, what and where she is in life.
The discovery of an old music box sets her imagination and passion flaring and we see a glimpse into the mind of a woman desperate to break free of the bonds of normality and to be swept up into a dance of erotic freedom and self expression.
Showcasing her magnificent pole dancing skills as well as her very erotic and sexy self-pleasuring techniques, Zahra shows us what real sexual freedom can feel like.
I think the only think I don't like about this film is the fact that Zahra wears a full face mask throughout a lot of it and I personally do not like them. I understand the concept and why they chose to use the mask, we all wear masks, we are all Morgana inside at one stage or another in our lives, but for me personally I find them a bit weird. It's a mark of how good the film is that, even faced with something I usually find quite confronting and scary, I was still turned on and enjoyed watching.

A Call For Help
Selected Berlin Porn Film Festival 2014. Selected Cinekink 2015.

This is my favourite out of the whole box set. It could be because this is the film I helped work on, but I really do think it's more than that.
This film was definitely a step outside the box. This film is basically a comedy. Yes, you heard right, comedy porn.
And it works! It's funny! It's erotic. It tells a story. It's definitely something I am very proud to have worked on but I am even more proud of Morgana for creating this idea and concept and then being able to pull it off successfully.
This film tells the story of Rebecca who is trying very very hard to masturbate herself to climax.
We've all been there. Whatever you try, whatever you use, you just can't reach that peak. Frustrating!! So Bec decides to put a call out to her friends to help.
The film then follows her friends, via three short vignettes, who are all in their own erotic entanglements and unable to really help... Or are they?
Of the three middle stories, two of them have been recently selected to be played in international festivals.

Picnic Outside
Probably the weakest of all the vignettes, this one is a sensual scene of outdoor loving. There isn't a lot of comedy nor explicit sex in this scene, which is one of the reasons why I think it's the weakest, but the photobombing cat walking through centre screen at one stage certainly lightened it up.
As I mentioned this one is far less explicit than any of the others, but there are a couple of moments of erotic connection between the couple and that is quite lovely.

Happy Birthday Mistress - Selected for Nachtschatten BDSM/Fetisch Film Festival, Germany
Professional Dominatrix, Domina Vex, shows us how a Mistress expects to be treated on her birthday. With spanking and flogging and wrapping and even balloon popping, this small scene is abundant with fetishes without being overwhelming. The pure enjoyment on her face as she plays with her slave and celebrates her birthday is one of the reasons I love this scene. It is a joy to be allowed a glimpse into her dungeon and an honour to share her birthday treat.

The Mechanic - Nominated for Feminist Porn Award 2015
I love this scene. It's funny, it's sexy, it's erotic and it definitely shows us why Morgana is getting a reputation as having one of the “prettiest gineys in porn”.
When she takes her car to the mechanic he definitely gets to have a thorough look under the hood and gives a whole new meaning to the words “Drive Shaft”.
There is so much raw energy and erotic passion in this scene that you feel like you need to wind the windows down a little bit to reduce some of the steam.

The film wraps up like it begins, with colour, humour and a sense of real enjoyment by all who were involved. And that's the sense I get from almost all of her films. A real connection between the actors and the screen. A feeling of pleasure and friendship and of the bonds we create when we open ourselves up to erotic experience.

This box set is the start of what I know is going to be a long and successful journey for my wonderful friend. The accolades she is receiving from industry professionals around the globe are those often saved for veterans of the field. That these praises are coming so soon and in such volume for a relative new beginner is a testament to her vision, her hard work and her passion to make wonderful films and educate the world on living their own erotic truths.
She is an inspiration to so many and someone I am proud to know both personally and professionally.

The box set is available to buy from here and from there you can follow and stay informed about all the new adventures she is taking this year.

Friday, 6 March 2015

Your Tattoos Don't Make You A Bad Mother... But Your Lack Of Humour Makes You An Idiot

I am always amazed at the depths of human stupidity. I shouldn't be. I mean, I've been hanging around the internet since long before it was cool to do so, (yes, I was one of those creepy weirdos in html chat-rooms in the 90s when LOL still meant Lots Of Love and FTW was Fuck The World... But I digress..), and there were idiots and dumbfucks around back then, but oh wow, as the internet grows, so does the gene pool seem to shallow.

When I'm bored or procrastinating one of my favourite things to look up are satirical pages that make fun of the news or religion or social constructs. They are brilliant and clever and often say a lot more about society than actual real news... But they've also shown me a side to society that, quite frankly, embarrasses the hell out of me.

At first I thought it was just a small handful of people who thought articles from The Onion were real or who got angry at pictures that claim “injecting three whole marijuanas gives you the gay” (I mean come on, guys, seriously.) but I have since, in my almost obsessive desire to eat up and enjoy pages and jokes like this, realised that, as Einstein once said, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe”.

Some people... A hell of a lot of people actually... really don't get satire. At all. They see exactly and only what they see. They cannot read between lines, understand irony or comprehend sarcasm. They also often do not read beyond a headline or precede and then make up their mind and opinion based on that alone and, most often, their mind and opinion is one of indignant offence. Or, what the internet refers to as "Butthurt".

Some of my favourite pages in which to observe this butthurt in its natural habitat have included Christwire.com, Christians Against Slipknot and Mrs Betty Bowers: America's Best Christian. But over the last week or so I have noticed a new contender step into the ring. A page that has caused more outrage and butthurt than that time Kanye took the mic off TayTay. This brilliant page and social experiment is titled “Your Tattoos Make You A Horrible Mother” and it has almost completely overtaken my Facebook time (which, if you know me, is quite a lot of time indeed)
“Dr Ronald Winters” is the owner of the page and he and his good wife “Magda” are on a mission to save the world's children from the threat of fetal poisoning from “Teratogens” in tattoo ink. If you're not up on medical lingo, a teratogen is a toxin that can infiltrate into your uterus and have severe medical effects on your unborn child.

According to the Good Doctor Winters' "research" the teratogens in tattoo ink seep into your uterus and give your child "Fetal Ink Syndrome" (FIS) and "Tattoo Induced Toxemia" (TIT) which turns your child into a drug addicted skank with no future. Two of my favourite pics that the good doctor has posted to support his claim are one of a child in an oven with the caption “This Is Your Uterus On Ink” and another with a little boy resting his head on his mother's pregnant belly thanking her for being inkless and saving his baby sister from becoming a skank.

I know. It's ridiculous right! How could anyone actually think this is real? I mean FISTIT for fuck's sake!!! It's so obviously a pisstake!

Enter the butthurt. Holy fuckballs, Batman. It's hilarious. Hundreds and hundreds of tattooed parents are screeching out of the woodwork on their offended little high horses, defending their rights to have tattoos, demanding the "doctor" to show his credentials and qualifications and research, telling the page in their outraged indignation how wonderfully smart and gifted and settled their kids are or how their mothers had tattoos and they turned out just fine!

But probably the most telling, albeit depressing, example of how people act when they are "offended" is something that the internet shows in spades. Hate. Angry, vitriolic, unashamed, horrible hate. The modern day cyber equivalent of the angry mob with pitchforks and torches descending on the "monster". No thought, no control, nothing but unbridled, blind hate. Threats of violence, insults and, of course, that last bastion of the "offended interneter", the wishes for rape and awful things to happen to your children. Because it's not okay for a guy to make photoshopped pictures and outlandish claims, but it's perfectly okay to wish his children to know the pain of forced anal rape... So says the logic of these unthinking, hate-filled masses...
Yes, in a bittersweet twist of deliciously frustrating (and to be honest rather frightening) irony, the offended posters are acting like revolting, horrible skanky idiots to try and prove, with mostly terrible spelling and awful grammar, that people with tattoos are not revolting, horrible skanky idiots and, as you will see, failing miserably.

Now of COURSE I know this latter statement isn't true. I myself am a tattooed mother and so are many of my friends and mostly we're only a little bit skanky (mostly), but I am going to show you a couple of examples of why I find the irony of this page a delicious treat of goodness as well as a rather depressing insight into the butthurt psychology. I will admit I have been on there and had some fun defending the “good doctor's” work (for eg “I support this page because my friend's baby was born addicted to the marijuana needle and, at only four days old, had to take four whole marijuanas every day just to survive!!”) and the beautifully articulate comment from “Bubba” that I have added below will show you an example of the replies I got... I got a lot. Mostly like that... Le sigh.
The rest... Well, I'll let them speak for themselves.

Humans of the world, I urge you. Please never ever become one of these people. If something offends you there are so many many different ways in which to deal with it other than screaming rancid hate.
I am fairly sure, considering you are all awesome readers of my blog, that your intelligence levels are far higher than some of these people but just in case you may have an inkling to defend the ink, stop. Breathe. Have a giggle and shake your head and thank the good Goddess of humour that you're not a fuckwit...